guest post: Suzan

Up today is a testimony shared by Suzan. I have known this fun lady since I was fourteen and she has faithfully prayed for me and my family! Since Erik and I got married and had our children, she has become Aunt Suzan to all of us. 

 Fear is a debilitating emotion.  When it grips you you become paralyzed in body, soul and spirit.
       I know...fear entered my life with a vengeance and became my constant companion for over two years.  I have never felt so desperate, so out of control, alone.       My life as I knew it had come tumbling down.  What was happening. I was a strong Christian.  I loved the Lord with all my heart.  Something was very wrong.       My dear husband of over forty years stood by me not knowing what to do.  Our children wanted to help but how!  My friends, the few I had confided in cared deeply, prayed fervently, called regularly.  One dear, dear friend called me every day for over two years.  She never gave up on me when I had nearly given up on myself.       Depression is a horrific thing,  I never understood it before.  I had had relatives who had been plagued by it and I didn't know why.       I couldn't read the Bible, or pray except to cry out to God to please help me.  Such confusion overpowered me which, of course, caused me to become more fearful and anxious.       I became physically weak, losing a lot of weight.  During this time, God led me to a doctor I had seen a number of years earlier at the Naval Hospital.  She was in the OB/GYN department.  She was now in private practice.  I contacted her and she began seeing me on a weekly basis for two years.  I called her God's Psychiatrist.  She was a strong Christian, full of wisdom.  She cared deeply for me and what was going on in my life.       I remember a friend telling me at one of my lowest moments that some day God would use all that was happening in my life for His glory...I nearly hung up on her.       But, now, two years after God healed me I can see how God is using it to help others.You see, with all the fear I couldn't trust God.  I wanted to.  I knew He was there somewhere but where.  The Bible speaks of "the dark night of the soul".  I was in that place and didn't know if I would ever come out of it.  Corrie Ten Boon once said, "never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God".  God was in the process of breaking me...not to leave me shattered in a million pieces but to remake me into the woman of God He wanted me to be---totally dependent upon Him.       One morning a song came to mind from years past and I started singing it..."I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.  I can see all obstacles in my way.  Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, it's goona be a bright, bright sunshiny day.  I think I can make it now, the pain is gone.  All of the bad feelings have disappeared.  Here is the rainbow I've been praying for.  It's gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day.       I can honestly say today that my faith is stronger than it ever was.  Through the brokenness has come personal revival in my life.  I am a different person and all I can continually say is to God be the glory, great things He has done.   

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